One Thing Leaders Risk ...
“You can’t be a coach if you need to be liked.”
At times, NBA Coach Phil Jackson liked to "shake things up" to reinvigorate his players and help them play at a higher level.
In his book, Eleven Rings, Jackson recounts an incident with player Luke Walton:
“One of the players I came down especially hard on was Lakers forward Luke Walton. I sometimes played mind games with him so that he would know what it felt like to be stressed out under pressure. Once I put him through a particularly frustrating series of exercises, and I could tell by his reaction that I’d pushed him too far. Afterward I sat down with him and said, ‘I know you’re thinking about becoming a coach someday. I think that’s a good idea, but coaching isn’t all fun and games. Sometimes no matter how nice a guy you are, you’re going to have to be an asshole. You can’t be a coach if you need to be liked.’”
One of the players I came down especially hard on was Lakers forward Luke Walton. I sometimes played mind games with him so that he would know what it felt like to be stressed out under pressure. Once I put him through a particularly frustrating series of exercises, and I could tell by his reaction that I'd pushed him too far. Afterward I sat down with him and said, "I know you're thinking about becoming a coach someday. I think that's a good idea, but coaching isn't all fun and games. Sometimes no matter how nice a guy you are, you're going to have to be an asshole. You can't be a coach if you need to be liked."
"You can't be a coach if you need to be liked." Jackson's words remind me of the confrontational nature of leadership.
God exhorts all his people to address faults head on (Matthew 18:15-20) and to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). This is essential in life. But honest, forthright communication -- even in the face of not being liked -- is absolutely critical in leadership. Paul's encounter with Peter illustrates and underscores the need to risk "rough waters" to advance the cause God has called one to lead:
“11 But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned.12 For before certain men came from James, he was eating with the Gentiles; but when they came he drew back and separated himself, fearing the circumcision party.13 And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy.14 But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, ‘If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?’”
Honest confrontation need not be harsh communication.
God reminds us that "the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Proverbs 12:18), and that "a soft answer turns away anger" (Proverbs 15:1). And we all understand that sometimes it is better to simply hold the tongue (Proverbs 21:23). That said, God wants us to know that "faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6).
Commenting on this verse, Bruce Waltke writes: "The 'wounds' are a metaphor for the painful and plain words that must be spoken in a true friendship in order to heal the beloved and/or to restore a broken relationship."
Leaders deal in the "painful and plain." They risk the "Like" in order to lead.
Think about it: Are you avoiding a conversation or a decision for fear of not being liked? Today, speak the "painful and plain."
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"The 'wounds' are a metaphor..." from Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs: Chapters 15-31. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdman's Publishing Company. 2005, page 376.